does love fit my life?

the last time I was in a relationship was back in high school. it was foolish but I reaaallyyyy did like him. or maybe I just loved the fact we had known each other since we were kids and it just sort of bloomed from there. it was just a silly puppy love, I believe it was nowhere near "real love". looking back, he and I had so many differences and absolutely nothing in common

like everyone else obviously I want compatibility. someone who gets me and respects my value. and oh omg, especially one who's communicative!! I find emotional intelligence is extremely attractive bcs I can't stand the push and pull or the mind games everyone keeps playing. when getting to know someone, obviously I observe how they communicate and their logic, but the second something ticks me off that's when I go poof...! that doesn't mean I'll walk away just bcs they did some silly thing, no. it's simply about the mindset and personality. or maybe the chemistry I must add. if it's not there, it's not there

modern dating feels superficial and PAINFULLY rushed. a guy I was talking to recently kept pushing me to commit without telling me what I was committing to OR why he was in such a rush. again, no answers and he kept asking these annoying questions. now that's a love bomb for you. I was like, I could count how many days we've been in the talking stage bro Idek you yet lol relax. I had my doubts and ended up unmatching him and deleting my whole profile altogether bcs my gut was... telling me... no. I just knew I could trust my gut

I know dating means sharing your life with the significant other, but rn it feels like a distraction to me. obviously being in one doesn't mean we have to communicate 24/7. after being single for years, I am so protective of my peace and whenever I think of getting into one, I ask myself if I ever want to sacrifice half of my time and energy for someone else even tho I yearn for it too, well the answer is definitely no babes, I'm not miserable I'm just happily married to my peace... it's one of the reasons why I think love simply may not be for me. or maybe I'm just emotionally unavailable, or they're just not the person I'd completely open up to

especially after #him, experiencing a deep connection (finally at this big age!) helped me see love differently and also changed my expectations. ngl I felt like tom from 500 days of summer when I lost him. I was a MESS, but I swear I'm a different person now. I'm not actively looking so I'm basically just focusing on myself for now. I'm happy this way!